Authenticity - by Wendy
Writing Entry 1
Authenticity
First, a brief introduction. My name is Wendy. This year I will be 60 (gasp!). I am a retired educator and academic leader, a partner, daughter of my 91 year old mom who lives with us, a mom of 3 young adults, a ‘ Babi’ to my 2 grandsons, a sister, a friend - the list is long!
I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father, and that He is with me through all the short days and long nights of my life. I hope that He (mostly) gently laughs at me and my human stumblings as I seek to follow Him.
Authenticity is a big word, an action word, I think. A word that must be regularly rolled around on one’s tongue, and in one’s heart. Throughout my adult life, the question that I continuously ask is ‘who am I ‘ - in specific situations, in my spheres of friends and in known and unknown areas of influence. As a partner, a wife, a mom, daughter, a friend - who am I? As a woman of God - one who desires to glorify Him through living fully. Who am I ?
I have had a rough history with the formal church. My grandfather was the founding minister of a baptist church. That meant that there was a lot of church going - Sundays, mid-week services, choir , committees. As children, my brother and I quietly but effectively found ways to creep out of services without many noticing, and I have fond memories of those fun and games. I think many adults were jealous of our escapes, and antics.
As I began to watch and listen in that environment, my first questions of authenticity were pondered, and carefully articulated. I hated the getting ready for church routines. Those prickly and tight dresses that never fit quite right, and certainly, not of my own choosing. The lectures in the car ride to be ‘good’, and the fights on the way home when we all were exhausted from - what I thought was - the charade of church going.
Spin ahead a few years, where I was part of a church scandal. Young teen and an older, married choir director. The punishment of that ‘crime’ was ridiculous in hindsight, But at the time, it felt more about the lack of fairness and obvious hypocrisy. Authenticity ? - clearly not allowed.
I made some life promises to myself as I entered my mid-twenties. That I would not get buried beneath the wrappers of either others’ expectations of me, or wrappers that might cover my mind or heart. Wrappers that would make me appear to be something that I was not, or not exactly. Wrappers that would block others from seeing the real me. Wrappers that could be interpreted in ways that take away from the woman of God that I strive to be.
My search for authenticity is ongoing. It is a commitment to be open and vulnerable with myself and with others. It means - for me - seeking input and truly listening to feedback. Authenticity weighs hand and hand with congruence. Congruence, probably my favourite life word. That who I am is who I am in all aspects of my life, in all situations and settings. That people will see God in me.
To be continued!!!
Authenticity
First, a brief introduction. My name is Wendy. This year I will be 60 (gasp!). I am a retired educator and academic leader, a partner, daughter of my 91 year old mom who lives with us, a mom of 3 young adults, a ‘ Babi’ to my 2 grandsons, a sister, a friend - the list is long!
I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father, and that He is with me through all the short days and long nights of my life. I hope that He (mostly) gently laughs at me and my human stumblings as I seek to follow Him.
Authenticity is a big word, an action word, I think. A word that must be regularly rolled around on one’s tongue, and in one’s heart. Throughout my adult life, the question that I continuously ask is ‘who am I ‘ - in specific situations, in my spheres of friends and in known and unknown areas of influence. As a partner, a wife, a mom, daughter, a friend - who am I? As a woman of God - one who desires to glorify Him through living fully. Who am I ?
I have had a rough history with the formal church. My grandfather was the founding minister of a baptist church. That meant that there was a lot of church going - Sundays, mid-week services, choir , committees. As children, my brother and I quietly but effectively found ways to creep out of services without many noticing, and I have fond memories of those fun and games. I think many adults were jealous of our escapes, and antics.
As I began to watch and listen in that environment, my first questions of authenticity were pondered, and carefully articulated. I hated the getting ready for church routines. Those prickly and tight dresses that never fit quite right, and certainly, not of my own choosing. The lectures in the car ride to be ‘good’, and the fights on the way home when we all were exhausted from - what I thought was - the charade of church going.
Spin ahead a few years, where I was part of a church scandal. Young teen and an older, married choir director. The punishment of that ‘crime’ was ridiculous in hindsight, But at the time, it felt more about the lack of fairness and obvious hypocrisy. Authenticity ? - clearly not allowed.
I made some life promises to myself as I entered my mid-twenties. That I would not get buried beneath the wrappers of either others’ expectations of me, or wrappers that might cover my mind or heart. Wrappers that would make me appear to be something that I was not, or not exactly. Wrappers that would block others from seeing the real me. Wrappers that could be interpreted in ways that take away from the woman of God that I strive to be.
My search for authenticity is ongoing. It is a commitment to be open and vulnerable with myself and with others. It means - for me - seeking input and truly listening to feedback. Authenticity weighs hand and hand with congruence. Congruence, probably my favourite life word. That who I am is who I am in all aspects of my life, in all situations and settings. That people will see God in me.
To be continued!!!
I know those “Baptist pastor’s kid” struggles so well. It’s a tough environment to grow up in. I remember looking around and seeing all the façades and thinking, “this is not for me.”
ReplyDeleteThank-you for joining this journey! I can’t wait to see where Jesus takes us ❤️
What wisdom you had in your young twenties, to reject the wrappers that you and others sought to place on you. You're an incredible woman Wendy! Thank you for sharing your inspiring words of wisdom with us - you are a light!
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