On Faith: A Collective Journey

The easy answer to this question is that I am a quilter. I love colour, texture and fabric. I am a toucher, a feeler of beautiful (to me)things. I love how cutting and piecing merge the skills of precision and creative art. The process of unfolding from thoughts to vision to substance is magical to me. And healing. Soul satisfying. Quilting has been on my ‘wish’ list for some time, and 2 years ago I was invited to join a women’s quilting group at a local Baptist church. It has been a beautiful fit for me - a safe ‘coming home’. I have had a rough and rocky history with the formal church. Much to my surprise, and delight, I have found true friendship, open hearts and minds, and a sister-welcome into their group. If there has ever been a time that I would consider ‘church’ attendance, it is because of this group of women, who range in ages from early 40s, to 90. Such rich experiences, and profound wisdom. Commonalities and differences. Open hearts. It surprised me, honestly....

In the beginning God created.  To work, build, make beautiful things, brings us joy as we have been wonderfully made in God’s image as creators.   I am a carpenters daughter.  I remember the joy my father had in building, creating, doing.  He loved to serve with his hands.  My mother grew up during WWII so she was a master at making beautiful things with limited resources.  She could sew, knit, cook and make laundry folding look like an art form.  She too felt that she served God, her family and her community through her varied gifts.  They lived generous, joyful, purposeful, God honouring lives, and we as children were blessed by their example.   As a child I loved the library. I loved the colourful books filled with crafts that I could make. I remember the Christmas my parents gave me a large box jam-packed with craft supplies. The rainbow of craft paper, scissors, glue, tape, markers, and paint kept me creatively blissful for a l...

I do not think of myself as a creative person so this was a hard topic for me to write on. I am not naturally artistic – I do not paint, sew, draw, quilt, dance, play any musical instrument (other than the stereo) or even know how to apply makeup on myself – other than a smear of lipstick every now and then. But I do love looking at art, listening to music, seeing the love, work and effort someone has put into a dress, quilt, painting and so forth. And I love the colours and patterns and beauty that God shows to me in his creation. The sunrises I get to enjoy each morning that I drive the bus. The calming motions of the waves against the shore. The beauty of so many birds, creatures and animals in all their colours, shapes and the sounds that they make. The sound of the wind in the trees and how they bend so gracefully like they are dancing with each other. The majesty of the mountains – that I have only seen in pictures – but how I imagine they must be – so large and permanent...

I. I have been working in retail for a long time.  I mean, it’s alright. I like a lot of the people I work with, and sometimes the job is actually fun. And even, once in a while, fulfilling. But it’s time to move on. II. I have dreamed of going back to school for a long time. But, for what?? What do I want to do with my life? And, most importantly, How can I afford it?? I’m not exactly wealthy. And I have three kids. Three amazing kids. Kids who like things like eating and wearing clothes and seeing in the dark and waking up warm and going places. So I can’t just quit my job, can I? Or… can I? III. So, as it happens, I stumbled onto a path that I would never have found any other way. And this path has brought me to school. Getting to school was challenging. From finding my SIN card to getting OSAP to talking to my boss to getting everything I needed for school, this path has been… Bumpy. One hurdle after another, for ...

My word – PEACE So for this year I have chosen the word PEACE. I picked this word for a number of reasons. Last year my sister gave me a necklace with the word PEACE written on it. That was the start – the little seed. I will admit though I didn't think much of it until around Christmas when I was feeling uncertain about how “Christmas” was going to go this year. So I started searching for answers and that is when I once again found the necklace my sister had given to me. My life has been a little topsy turvey over the last couple years and I want peace in my life. That gentle assurance that all is going to be okay. I want peace with myself and the choices and decisions I have made. I want peace with my children as I try to raise them in the ways of the LORD. I want peace with my prodigal when we discuss how to raise our children. I want peace with my family and with my husbands family. I want peace with my friends and with my children's friends. I want my home to be a plac...

I had not had a Crohn’s flare in eleven years.  Not through all the stresses and changes of bowel surgery, nearly losing my Mom to septic shock, stillbirth, c-section and funeral, job change, town move, new school, brand new house, new work.  Not once.  I have been bowel-perfect as proven by no symptoms, clear bloodwork and normal biennial colonoscopies and biopsies.  Prior to this, I was in flare for three years.  New parent, no strength, no stamina, continuous gut and joint pain, exhaustion, hunger, weight loss, constant diarrhea.  A Crohn’s flare garners little sympathy and understanding from others partly because the sufferer learns to deny or hide it well.  Three years of this, despite proper medication.  “A thorn was given to me in the flesh… Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness”.  2 Cor 12:7-9 Then God ...

I have had a longterm relationship with annual practice of New Years goal setting.  I still get excited by the act of putting to paper my ordinary and optimistic ideas and goals as I look to the year ahead. And better yet, to review the previous years goals to see what was achieved, or not, but more so to see if I was still in the same place- or how I have grown or changed. I have never used an annual theme word or verse, but I know others who have.  That said, I have recently been using a focus word to mark seasons I have been working through.  Not intentionally- but they came and felt right. Simplicity was the first word I adopted with intention.  When everything in life seemed a bit too much - I embraced this word.  I found word art- placed it on my fireplace mantel to keep it front and centre. Years ago I had worked through Richard Foster's 'Celebration of Discipline’ ( a book I highly recommend-BTW).  I revisited the chapter on Simplicity and mad...

I get bored really easily. My mind wanders quickly to a deeper, related thought. Or a completely different one. Or planet. I have very low tolerance for (my own description) of nonsense. For example, jokes that target particular groups, superficial chit chat (glad you can’t read my mind, lol!), gossip. Large parties are a nightmare for me. You would find me in the kitchen, finding a useful task, or, worse case scenario, plotting my ‘socially appropriate’ escape plan. I am happy to be at a life stage now where saying ‘no, not for me’ is easy. My 2018 experiment is to listen better when I really don’t want to. At least longer, working at staying in the conversation at hand. Resisting my well developed and ingrained habit of moving on. I have observed, and maybe even learned some things in this short experimental time frame. How people start conversations is rarely where the conversation goes. People do want to engage in interesting topics, perhaps not quite knowing how to get the dan...

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” ~Ephesians 5:1 Our family likes to go for walks in the evening. Often, our son will fall in step directly behind my husband and will do his best to take the exact big steps that his father is taking in front of him. It’s a stretch and sometimes not so pretty to watch, but as time has goes by, he is able imitate this pace. What a sweet picture of how we ought to imitate our Father in heaven. The Bible tells me that God loves me as a father loves his child. I am cherished and adored by my Maker, and He wants only for me love others and shine a light for Him to the world. As an image-bearer, I am given the ability to seek God’s will for my life by imitating the life of Christ. I can learn to follow in His footsteps by reading the Bible daily to find the basic principles on how to serve and seek God. It is...

I recently lost part of my ability to sing. For weeks, even speaking or holding a note was not possible. I used to be able to go above a high G, but now I can comfortably sing up to A — almost an octave lower — before I feel a choke in my throat. My range has shrunk and my volume has diminished. It happened as part of a surgery to remove thyroid cancer from the neck — the laryngeal nerve connected to my left vocal cord was severed, and now only my right vocal cord works. For weeks, I was simply in awe that removing multiple parts from a body resulted in so little net loss. Besides the laryngeal nerve, my vagus nerve, left jugular vein, parts of my esophagus, left lymph nodes, left parathyroids, and whole thyroid were cut out. I hadn’t expected so much to be taken out, and yet I was just glad the surgery was done and that they had appeared to successfully resect the cancer. I was busy rejoicing. I was still alive. I would recover. I would speak again and sing again eventually. Once...

I carried this topic with me -in my thoughts for the past week.  It is easy to give many answers- but somehow they didn’t seem to fully define true joy.  There are the great gifts and joys of family, of goals accomplished, of travel, of music, of creativity, of sharing experiences with those we love.  Many of those however seem in the moment, special, but fleeting. What gives me joy in the every day.  What wakes in me the feeling of joy, peace, contentment as I go about my daily activities. As a child we intrinsically know what we love and gravitate to the activities we enjoy- but over time expectations, commitments, distractions, can take us away from that. . Those can bring great reward, but don’t always answer to the natural gifts God has given us to use and enjoy - or the things our soul may crave.  Is joy in the balance of both? Steve Jobs says, "the only way to do great work is to love what you do”,  it is all about passion. While I can agree with tha...

The last couple of weeks has been a time of serious reflection for me. I feel like this should have been a really easy topic, I mean, who can’t come up with a list a mile long of things that makes their heart sing? Share my thoughts and off we go. Next. But it wasn’t that easy. It was actually a struggle for me. What makes my heart sing? I would think about it while I was driving to and from work. How would I word this, how would I explain that there was very little that makes my heart truly sing. I thought more. Was there really only a small handful of things? Did they even really make my heart sing or was I going to make a list for the sake of making a list, put a smiley face on it and call it a day. I’m a thinker. I’m a doer. I’m a list maker.  To a fault. I often over think to the point of paralysis. I keep “busy” to the point of not being able to rest. I constantly make lists – always thinking about the next thing and adding more and more to the list. So, what does ...

When I first saw this as the topic to write on I really didn't know what I would write about. And so for the past week or so I have been paying particular attention to what just makes me so happy, excited, bubbling over on the inside. So what makes my soul sing? My sons, family and friends. For many different reasons and yet for so many of the same reasons. The laughter that erupts from the basement when the boys are enjoying a video game, or a small video on their phones with each other, or just sharing a moment that happened through out their day or an incident caused by one of our cats. The encouraging words, the prayers, the grace and mercy showed to me by hugs, emails, texts, FB messages and the best of course are in person. I am one of those people who just loves being in the company of dear friends and family – just listening to the buzz going on around me. In those moments when life is perfect - that makes my heart sing. And I truly love a sunrise. This morning, actuall...

Authenticity If you know me you know that I am basically a wide open book. I’d like to think that what you see is what you get with me. However, what you might not know is that I spend far too much time worrying about what others will think about my home, about my kids, how I look, and the life choices I make. I don’t shy away from sharing how I feel, about being vulnerable as to my experiences or limitations but when it comes to those material things (nice home, nice clothes), I never quite feel like I can measure up.  I rarely open up my home to host as I’m ashamed that everything is second hand and life is strewn throughout our house, not to mention I don’t enjoying cooking, so what would I possibly feed my guests. Spending time connecting deeply with those I care about, now that’s where I thrive. Hikes in the woods, a coffee by the fireplace, a game night or just relaxing on the deck with a friend is where I am authentically and comfortably myself. I will also seek out authenti...

Some things to come to mind: Love, time with a friend, authentic connection, elderly couple walking down the street holding hands, my children laughing, teaching someone something new, family sharing a meal, sunshine, watching waves roll in, accomplishing something I didn’t think I could, music that touches your core, driving fast, being a calm presence for someone in crisis, and the smile of a stranger. On this cold dreary January I needed a reminder of what brings joy. It is so easy to be overwhelmed with the hurt and darkness in this world, especially in policing. While I wait for sunshine and beach days I will find ways to bring laughter to my children, connect with friends, and work hard to bring smiles to strangers. Wonder what makes Gods heart sing?

What are those times, those moments or glimpses of joy for me?  When do I smile to myself and say ‘this is joy’? When do I feel the bubbling up up of happiness and experience the physical sensation that joy brings? My children bring me joy. As I have watched them grow into young adults, I get to experience or witness how they have chosen to live their lives. To see them in loving and balanced relationships, to see them as community minded people, to hear their voices - these things bring me joy. To see them face challenges and use learned and natural tools to problem solve, for their kindness and willingness to give without question, those things bring me joy. Their love for each other brings me joy. My grandsons bring me a simpler joy. Those little expressive faces that laugh and light up so easily. Their confident sense of selves. Their hugs and wrestles, their gentle teasing and jokes, bring me joy and a vision for our families’s futures. Conversation brings me joy. Quickly gett...

The answers come fast… …watching an infant being loved on by an older sibling …Friday movie nights snuggling with my family …seeing acts of compassion and care between my children …quiet times with God that bring connection and a deep sense of peace …coffee brewed to perfection …witnessing acts of bravery and selflessness …seeing authenticity and engagement, vulnerability and risk …moving from oppression to justice …hearing stories of God’s faithfulness ...a perfect snowflake …a sharpening conversation engaging vision, energy, and passion …the beach …music that moves my soul …watching folks wrestle through conflict while being committed to each other and finding a solution …walking the journey of life with deep friendships …seeing the curvature of the earth through an airplane window …summer heat Life is full of moments that make my heart sing and take my breath away. When we experience these moments, we need to sit up and pay attention! These a...

Press Your lips against my ear   Let me hear Your breath ,   Your word   Your instruction   It is Your voice my mind and heart and body longs for   Always wise and full of hope.   speak to me I pray    Surely as You breathe out Your words    They in turn will become my life’s breath   Strength to my body   Instruction to my mind   Hope for my spirit       Press Your lips against my ear   Let Your words fall   And let me gather each one as a precious treasured jewel   For truly they are that and more   Be generous    Be merciful    Don’t share Your words based on merit   Surely then I should be deafened by Your silence.   But give words based on who You are   Give words out of the overflow of Your generous heart   Then I will hear the soft lapping watery sou...

Several years ago, I was in a season of life as a new parent and was a stay-at-home mom with 4 small children ages 6, 4,2 and 1. It was a crazy time and one full of adventure. I am an extrovert, someone who loves to engage in conversation and life with other people. I come from a big family; 5 children and 2 parents who were always together. That home environment is what I’m used to - the air I breathe - noisy, boisterous, and fun-loving. During my years as a stay-at-home mom, I really missed adult interaction. I needed the company of women to live life with, to grow and develop with and I just wasn’t getting enough of that. There were some things that held me back though, life with 4 kids is fun - and chaotic, messy and sticky. Every day, my house looked like a bomb had went off. How could I invite someone into that mess, a mess that revealed the limits of my parenting and revealed how little control I had over my house and kids? One day it kind of struck me; for many years I lived u...

I. “What would people think?!” My mother’s mantra. “What would people think?!” Her north star. “What would people think?!” The compass she gave me. The compass I followed. The compass I (sometimes struggle to) reject. II. I was never good enough. Too fat, too female, too emotional, too outspoken, too hippie-ish, too asocial, too inconvenient, too demanding, too pretty, too ugly, too outspoken, too opinionated, too ängleshe, too smart, too eating-disorder-y, too independent… too me. III. They shunned me. I couldn’t take it anymore.  Something had to give. So I told him to move out. And they shunned me. That is what people think. But a funny thing happened: I demanded what I needed, And the moods and suicidal thoughts and desperation and pressure stopped. I was stable. I was sane. I was decisive. I was healing. IV. Authenticity. It’s hard for me to write about this. Not because I’m not authentic. But because I don’t think about it. Listen, I’ve struggled. I worked my ass off to fit t...